The moment I hit “Send”
Posted by jeffdaigle | Tags: jeffI wanted others in my life to know. I wanted to continue to be held accountable in the future. But as I sat there, having just typed an email to be sent to five guys who speak immense amounts into my life, I literally wrestled with whether or not to send it. “Do I really need to be so vulnerable? I haven’t even really sinned. Didn’t God already forgive me? What would each of these guys think of me? Why not just lay low and move on?”
The Gospel of Mark’s account of Jesus’ wilderness experience includes a detail that none of the other gospels include. Mark 1:13 records “…and he was in the wilderness forty days, being tempted by Satan. He was with the wild animals…” Wild animals? Were they boars? Snakes? It doesn’t say. But I’ve seen enough Animal Planet episodes with my boys to know that wild animals like to hunt, and certain wild animals don’t just eat – they devour.
In the two or three weeks leading up to this particular email, I gained a completely new understanding of this passage. I felt I had been under constant attack of temptation. It was relentless at times, many times overwhelming, and almost always when I was alone. I felt as though there were wild animals just waiting for me to give up, except my wild animals weren’t physical – they were all in my head. I was getting tired, and I knew my ability and strength to fend off these temptations was waning. How much longer would I be able to resist? Honestly, there were times I didn’t want to. There were moments when I tried to convince myself those wild animals were really pretty harmless, and that nobody would be harmed if I just gave in to them. It would have been so easy.
And that’s when I knew I was being deceived.
Once I started rationalizing it away, justifying my “innocent” thoughts, I was in trouble. I could not fight alone any longer. I had convinced myself I could handle it. I had convinced myself I wouldn’t do anything wrong. I needed help.
But getting help would require me to tell someone … to confess my weakness … and doing that would require complete openness and transparency on my part … it would require bringing that which was in the darkness of my mind into the light of God’s holiness.
I John 1:7-9 resounded within me. “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”
So, I brought it all into the light. Not joyfully, not excitedly; but with great fear and pain. And this is where God absolutely amazed me! The moment I hit “Send” on that email, it was as if every wild animal that sought to devour me immediately scattered. I was in the light of His love and grace.
Will they come back? Undoubtedly. I’ll hear the roar of condemnation from past sins. I’ll feel the horns of remorse and shame. But I know what the light looks and feels like, and it looks and feels incredible. And I know that as I regularly give myself to His Word, to praying, to worship, to being in a transparent community of friends, and to other disciplines of the faith, I will continue to put myself in the light. Rarely is it easy, but it’s always freeing.
So how about you? Need some light?
Intentionally following Jesus … into the light.
Jeff Daigle
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9 Comments to “The moment I hit “Send””
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Merry Sandra says:
That must have been a tough first step but I agree that it is freeing!
Donna Sheets says:
Jeff, I appreciate your vulnerability and speaking in truth!! I too, have heard the roar of wild animals trying to justify my temptations and hidden sin. I have also experienced God’s love and grace when I have exposed my struggles to God and faithful, loving sisters in Christ.
Your article gives all of us encouragement to run to the light of Jesus and do not keep struggles hidden. It is in this Light that we find strength, forgiveness and redemption.
Thank you for being a source of encouragement to me.
Donna Sheets
ashq says:
Wow! This is BIG stuff Jeff! I think this is one of those things no one ever talks about…how do we free ouselves from the sin that so easily entangles us? Bring it into the light where Jesus can do something about it is step one! I LOVED what Jay said this weekend about not needing more rules but more HIM! More Jesus…more awe…more light! It is a constant process, but for me meditation on Jesus finished work on the cross is the key me to living in the "no condemnation zone". Aren't we all a mess…and it's beautiful!
Joan White says:
This was a great message for me right now. I needed to be reminded that pressing the "send" button will allow Light and Truth to wash over my battles and allow Freedom's Light to shine through!
JD, Sr says:
Ataboy, its take courage to walk in the light! (1Jn1:7 is one of the biggest and best IF's in the NT) Satan and sin traffic in darkness! Keep going, this is a transformational process based on grace and truth.
Jennifer Johnson says:
Great message, and I've seen it repeated recently in several different ways. The Holy Spirit must be at work. People need to know that VULNERABILITY is a sign of (and a source of, as Jeff illustrates) STRENGTH and not weakness, as the world would like us to believe. We can't do it alone! We can try, but we fail eventually or become exhausted. God is ready to put on His team jersey and run a few plays for us (usually in the form of the awesome people He has placed in our life)…if we let Him. When we do, the victory is easier and sooo much sweeter!
Judy Edwards says:
Jeff, thank you SO much for sharing this. In the future whenever I hit "send" I will be reminded or this wonderful message. If we just remember to "cast our burdens upon the Lord and he will sustain us."(Psalm 55:22) God is awesome and amazing!! Thank you for reminding me to continue to walk in the light of his path each day.
Judy
Jack Bircher says:
Jeff,
Thanks for your message….enLIGHTening to say the least….and strengthening for me…..
Bruce Bratton says:
Great Post. Accountability is the key !!!!!